CHILDREN’S STORIES OF PARENTAL BREAKUP
Children
tend to feel guilt when they experience emotional distress between the
parents.They can even feel guilty when they are victims of incestuous acts or
other forms of abuse. Psychoanalysis theorizes such experiences. Klein’s (1937)
theory of ‘the good and the evil breast’ is used to explain feelings of guilt.4
Such theories are also applicable to divorce.Wallerstein and Kelly (1980) use
them for their empirical material,but find the support weak and ambiguous. We
took up the question. Some of the teenage children, viewing the divorce with
hindsight, had thought of themselves as partly causing the divorce, but had not
thought in terms of responsibility or guilt.
These children develop theories
using themselves as examples for theoretical reflection, mostly feeling
reassured of their innocence when theoretical examination has been carried
through. It seems as if they have read Wallerstein and Kelly! This is one of
the points where we were struck by the mature theoretical abilities that these
children possess, often more so than their fathers, who are also good
philosophers. We asked,‘Is a divorce something where anybody does anything
wrong? If so, who did most wrong in your particular case?’ Most children did
not even understand the question.With thought, they could understand that a divorce
is something bad,and that somebody could be more responsible for it than
someone else. However, the concept of guilt does not enter their minds: they
actively deny this way of thinking. Divorce has no direct relation to guilt. It
is not even a problem. It is more problem-solving than problem-creating. (An-Magritt Jensen, 2003)
Bibliography
An-Magritt Jensen, L. M.
(2003). Children and the Changing Family. New Fetter Lane, London:
RoutledgeFalmer.
